CHEMO - ROUND 3
The weeks seem to roll by effortlessly, three weeks pass by so quickly when I am busy and occupied. Time is fleeting.
Then for five days time stands still. The days stretch in front of me. I become a voyeur watching my life go by in slow motion, trapped in the confines of my head. My legs feel like concrete blocks and even walking is a chore.
This time the chemo hit me hard and fast, like a cheap perfume. The chemo crossed from my blood to my brain so quickly. Faster than before. The black gray fog invaded my brain like Napoleon in the dead of winter. I felt the fog grab hold of my brain and hold onto it tightly. I could not shake the cloud of smoke that had enveloped my brain. I had to relinquish control, there comes a time when you have to resign yourself to the powers that be and this was one of those times.
This was the third round of chemo and I have learned not to fight the wave of fatigue that crashes over me time and time again. However it is not in my nature to allow myself to relinquish control, it is hard to let go and allow myself to just be. I have had to muster all my patience to help me get through these bad days.
I keep repeating the same words over and over in my head - "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". My mantra, as spoken by Dory in Finding Nemo. Of all the motivation quotes out there and this is the one that has stuck in my head!! So I will continue to do as Dory did because I too will eventually arrive at my destination.
A lamb goes to the slaughter unknowingly. I however, have to coach myself each time I go for chemo as it takes mental strength to willing return. That strength is a double edged sword because that very strength that gets me through the doors of the hospital is the same strength that tries to battle with the chemo for control of the fog that invades my brain.
Each treatment brings me closer and closer to the last one. Thirteen to go!
The weeks seem to roll by effortlessly, three weeks pass by so quickly when I am busy and occupied. Time is fleeting.
Then for five days time stands still. The days stretch in front of me. I become a voyeur watching my life go by in slow motion, trapped in the confines of my head. My legs feel like concrete blocks and even walking is a chore.
This time the chemo hit me hard and fast, like a cheap perfume. The chemo crossed from my blood to my brain so quickly. Faster than before. The black gray fog invaded my brain like Napoleon in the dead of winter. I felt the fog grab hold of my brain and hold onto it tightly. I could not shake the cloud of smoke that had enveloped my brain. I had to relinquish control, there comes a time when you have to resign yourself to the powers that be and this was one of those times.
This was the third round of chemo and I have learned not to fight the wave of fatigue that crashes over me time and time again. However it is not in my nature to allow myself to relinquish control, it is hard to let go and allow myself to just be. I have had to muster all my patience to help me get through these bad days.
I keep repeating the same words over and over in my head - "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". My mantra, as spoken by Dory in Finding Nemo. Of all the motivation quotes out there and this is the one that has stuck in my head!! So I will continue to do as Dory did because I too will eventually arrive at my destination.
A lamb goes to the slaughter unknowingly. I however, have to coach myself each time I go for chemo as it takes mental strength to willing return. That strength is a double edged sword because that very strength that gets me through the doors of the hospital is the same strength that tries to battle with the chemo for control of the fog that invades my brain.
Each treatment brings me closer and closer to the last one. Thirteen to go!