I unclench my fingers from the steering wheel. I didn't realise I was holding on so tightly. I feel the tension radiating in my neck and arms. I take in a deep breath and breath out. I see my reflection in the rearview mirror. It's taken me a while to adjust to seeing myself in the mirror but now I recognise myself, I see the fire in my eyes, the same determination glaring back at me. I'm still here.
I am depleted but not yet defeated. I am taking a step back to allow myself to acknowledge the aches and pains that are so apparent all over my body. I need to identify these feelings not as a weakness but rather a strength. I need to feel this truly feel it to know I am still here and very much alive. Once you allow yourself to feel what your body is feeling you validate that and then you can move past it instead of ignoring it and saying "I will deal with it later." You need to recognise it, acknowledge it and then you can move past it.
Today is that day - the day that I feel the aches and pains, the beyond belief exhaustion, the turmoil and the struggle.
I have noticed that my finger nails have started lifting and it is a strange feeling to press on your nail and feel it popping! I have to soak them daily in tea tree oil to prevent a bacterial infection. Unlike my hair I have no control over when and if I lose my nails. The only thing I can do is not let myself be sidetracked by this. If it happens it happens! I may be lucky and avoid losing them altogether but if I do lose them then it's a small price to pay to still be alive. Ten nails or your life?? "I think I'll give you my ten nails!" It's amazing the clarity you get from perspective!
My skin is burnt and red from the radiotherapy and it has started peeling, so I have to do a salt compress and slather a liquid paraffin onto my skin to protect and moisturise it.
My eyebrows and eye lashes are coming back at a rapid rate and my hair is growing back so quickly. I am really enjoying having short hair and not having to style it each day is very liberating.
I return my hands to the steering wheel and continue forward, but I don't recognise the road I am travelling on. Where am I? The road signs are unfamiliar to me and they are in a foreign language. I carry on along the road and see a sign in English that says "DETOUR." Ah! That explains it I've taken a slight detour on my life's journey and I need to continue a little bit further before the roadworks end.
Although I am not stopping along this detour I am looking around at the sights before me and acknowledging this experience. I am gaining strength from this and even though I won't look back this will always be a pivotal part of my life. Once the detour ends I will pick up the path where I left off but I will not be the same person.
I am depleted but not yet defeated. I am taking a step back to allow myself to acknowledge the aches and pains that are so apparent all over my body. I need to identify these feelings not as a weakness but rather a strength. I need to feel this truly feel it to know I am still here and very much alive. Once you allow yourself to feel what your body is feeling you validate that and then you can move past it instead of ignoring it and saying "I will deal with it later." You need to recognise it, acknowledge it and then you can move past it.
Today is that day - the day that I feel the aches and pains, the beyond belief exhaustion, the turmoil and the struggle.
I have noticed that my finger nails have started lifting and it is a strange feeling to press on your nail and feel it popping! I have to soak them daily in tea tree oil to prevent a bacterial infection. Unlike my hair I have no control over when and if I lose my nails. The only thing I can do is not let myself be sidetracked by this. If it happens it happens! I may be lucky and avoid losing them altogether but if I do lose them then it's a small price to pay to still be alive. Ten nails or your life?? "I think I'll give you my ten nails!" It's amazing the clarity you get from perspective!
My skin is burnt and red from the radiotherapy and it has started peeling, so I have to do a salt compress and slather a liquid paraffin onto my skin to protect and moisturise it.
My eyebrows and eye lashes are coming back at a rapid rate and my hair is growing back so quickly. I am really enjoying having short hair and not having to style it each day is very liberating.
I return my hands to the steering wheel and continue forward, but I don't recognise the road I am travelling on. Where am I? The road signs are unfamiliar to me and they are in a foreign language. I carry on along the road and see a sign in English that says "DETOUR." Ah! That explains it I've taken a slight detour on my life's journey and I need to continue a little bit further before the roadworks end.
Although I am not stopping along this detour I am looking around at the sights before me and acknowledging this experience. I am gaining strength from this and even though I won't look back this will always be a pivotal part of my life. Once the detour ends I will pick up the path where I left off but I will not be the same person.